Congratulations on finding this fine SMARM brand digital time-wasting space. You have shown yourself to have a discerning eye for quality consumables, and we want to reward that with some unsolicited advice on how to lead a life of grandiosity as the mill stones of late-stage capitalism grind your dreams to grist.

                  You work hard, maybe not like our grandparents did–mining coal or harvesting crops–but you do the exhausting emotional labor of serving a solipsistic public that has been rendered senseless by an accelerating need for socially mediated dopamine hits, or working at a soulless corporation that is as indifferent to you as Saturn eating his son. We are here to reassure you that the world is not ending, no, you will not be granted that kind of mercy. It will shamble along dragging you against the asphalt behind it. While all of the compromises you have made in your life have left you in this hell of lesser evils, we are here to lead you into a life of greater SMARM.

                  What, you may ask, the actual fuck are you talking about? The SMARM is a sensibility, a nuance, and an act of psychological warfare. It’s like when you enter a room and are compelled to ask, “what’s that smell?” It is a feeling of emotional oiliness. It is the dawning knowledge that everything you see and read is bending you toward an ideology of supplication. How does a person retain their humanity under such circumstances? SMARM finds the possibilities that exist around the edges of a world that is circumscribed by irresponsible powers far beyond your control, and guides you on your way to embracing the fullness of your ever shrinking opportunities.

                  The pixels we have assembled here will bestow upon you the knowledge to make a more impressive appearance by increasing your snazz and achieve greater happiness by finding your path to swellness. SMARM will give you the advice you need to carve out your sliver of the American pie even as fewer people are taking ever larger bites from it. We will lead you to sources of music and culture that are objectively better than the things you already like.

                  Welcome to SMARM,

                  Shaddeus Glumlow

                  Editor-in-Chief